Battling the Ick

Our house has been taken hostage by respiratory viruses run rampant! Just about the time Julian started feeling better (and Eddie too), Eddie came down with a fever. I immediately wanted to rule out the flu (swine or otherwise), so had him tested and luckily that came back negative. The doctor told him it was bacterial sinusitis and put him on antibiotics. Stupid me - I figured this meant we were in the clear concerning Julian getting sick again. Lesson learned. Don't always listen to doctors. Something about Eddie having a fever for 3 1/2 days regardless of antibiotics just didn't seem right to me - and sure enough, early yesterday morning Julian started in with HIS fever. Who was next? Well, me of course! So now we have a house full of ickies...and thanks to an in-depth conversation with the Pediatrician, I learned that flu swabs are only 50% accurate - so we're not out of the woods concerning the flu at this point. It might be - it might not be. Needless to say, I'm ready for it all to be done, and it's only October.

In the meantime, we actually did get out one day (before realizing just how sick everyone was about to be) and took Julian to his very first pumpkin patch! It was on a farm located just outside of Clay Center and seemed to have a lot to offer. I can't wait until he's old enough to enjoy it! Maybe next year :) Here's some photos from our brief trip (brr...it was cold!)

These baby goats were SO tiny and SO cute! We spent a good portion of our time watching them.



Getting lost in the corn maze..

What kind of pumpkin patch does NOT have monster trucks..?Measuring just how big we're getting! Brrrr...cuddling up.

And the last one...just because :)

Difficult

When Eddie's mom was visiting a month or so ago, she described Eddie as a 'difficult' baby...and based on her description, I could see how she came to that conclusion. Does that make Julian a 'difficult' baby as well? Am I ready to label him that already? Or is it me that makes things difficult for him? Am I doing something wrong that inhibits him from doing the things babies 'should' be doing at this stage? Does the fact that he doesn't sleep through the night, can't tolerate being anywhere but our bed while doing all that non-sleeping, won't nap for more than 30 minutes at a time, scratches me and fights breastfeeding (and then bottle feeding too some days), turns into the biggest drama queen over a fart or the need to poop...are these things that qualify him for the label of 'difficult'? I have a hard time not blaming myself for these things. Being a first time mom, I just assume guilt on all accounts...ie: surely it's something I'm doing...and it's taking it's toll, either way.

Sorry for the rambling...just something that's been on my mind lately. I worry every day that I'm somehow messing up Julian's chances of ever being that 'good' baby everyone imagines they'll have. I don't love him any less, no matter his disposition. I just wonder - is it me?

A Familiar Trip

Exactly 12 weeks (almost to the minute) since that fateful journey to the Labor and Delivery ward, we found ourselves traveling yet again to the hospital. Only this time there was no contractions, just a sick little boy who was having trouble breathing. Yep, Julian celebrated his 12 weeks of life with a trip to the ER!

You know, I've worked with kids for a while now - many of them sick, either chronically or with the everyday illnesses children pass around...but it is absolutely 100% different when it's your own child. I can conclusively say that now! Gone is the level-headedness I figured came with the territory of "nurse" and in it's place - total paranoia, fear, worry and any other emotion you might like to cram in there. Not to mention how hard it is to look into that sweet face and not be able to do a darn thing to help! So I freaked a little. By the time we got the ER he was already acting a bit better (although he did poop all over himself, the carseat, my shirt, and even got some on the admitting nurse in our first 5 minutes there). They tested him for the flu, and RSV (which had been my big worry). He hated the tests of course, but all were negative which made me feel loads better. Turns out it's just a bad cold virus of some sort...Eddie started with the same symptoms yesterday morning, and this morning I'm noticing I'm now feeling a bit stuffy...so I guess little Julian just had a worse time of it.

A bit ironic though...

Here's to hoping for a short recovery for my little Pickle....And no more ER trips. For a long, long while.

Sometimes...

Sometimes...

...I wonder why everyone seems to have it together but me.
...I think I'm doing it all wrong.
...A long hot shower is as coveted as a Carribbean vacation.
...I fear going anywhere because it's just easier to stay home.
...I wish I could be a stay at home Mommy.
(sometimes...I don't)
...I wonder if I'll ever sleep uninterrupted again.
...I miss my old self.

And yet, Sometimes...

...I look at my baby boy and realize, "Holy crap. I made that"
...I get excited just thinking about what all the future will bring.
...I can't stand to be as far away from him as the other room.
...I get all vaklempt when he smiles at me.
...There's nothing better than a day at home with my two boys.
...I think I just might get the hang of this. Someday.
...I realize I'm a better person since he came along.

Fall!

I love fall! Cooler weather means more walks outside...

(with Grandma Rose who came to visit!)








bundling up...





golf cart rides...


Halloween costumes..

and fall photos!











It just doesn't get any better than that!

On a personal note, it is October and that means that my return to work is officially on the countdown. As my remaining maternity leave grows smaller and smaller, I find myself truly cherishing my time home with our Pickle. I'll admit, in the first few weeks all I wanted was a break, and some time to myself. Now I find that even when given the opportunity for time to myself, I spend it missing him and counting the minutes until I can be back home! That doesn't mean that every day is easy...we still have rough patches and I still find myself happily handing him off to Eddie as he walks in the door some evenings, but I just can't imagine spending 12 hours a day away from him in a matter of a few short weeks. It's going to be the hardest transition yet. In the mean time, I intend to try and enjoy every moment. I never imagined I would someday be so willing to give up independence and income just to stay home and watch TV with a pudgy, bald guy :) But I'm going to have to say that I am officially there.

Boo Hoo

Today was Julian's 2 month appointment which involved (much to my chagrin) a series of vaccination shots. I've been dreading this day since his one month appointment when they (so cruelly) gave him his shot while he was staring right at Mommy. I swore I would never let that happen again and yet today, there I found myself...staring into a pair of sweet little blue eyes (hi Mommy!) as they pumped his leg full of vaccinations :( I know, I know...it's worth it down the road, but I can't help but feel like I owe the kid a pony or something. Poor guy. At least we don't have to do this for another 2 months. As of right now he's currently snuggling with Daddy, in a shot-induced coma of sorts. Every time he wakes up and sees me, he shrieks. Yep, mommy feels like a jerk.

Here's his 2 month stats:
Weight- 13lbs 2.5oz (75th percentile)
Height - 24 inches (85 percentile)
Head Circumference - I forgot (but it looks normal)

The doctor was also rather impressed by his strength and told me I was 'in for it' when she noticed him trying to crawl while on his belly. I guess I should be worried? Either way, all looked well and normal...he even 'talked' and smiled at the doctor and nurse...right up until she stabbed him in the leg.

I wonder if they sell ponies on Craigslist.

Anniversary Outing

Today, our 5th wedding anniversary, was spent in a way that it's never been spent before - as a family. Eddie and I decided to keep the plans low-key and decided on a little family time at a state park near our home. The short hike was a bit rough on the jogging stroller, but Julian was lulled to sleep by the bouncing. He hates to stay still! A few sandwiches, a bottle, fresh air and togetherness...it was a good day!

As for Julian, he turned 8 weeks on Thursday and keeps changing more and more every day. His newest accomplishments - smiling! (as in, AT someone - see above!) and talking...which gets louder and more pronounced as the days go by. He's definitely got a lot to say and likes to tell it to you to your face! So adorable. It makes our days together so much more fun. I'm already dreading leaving him when I go back to work in a few weeks. I'll miss my little buddy!

Leaving the hospital...

8 weeks old!
Amazing how quickly they grow.