Well, the title pretty much says it all. That's how we roll around these parts. Lies and bribery have helped us through pretty much EVERY parenting snafu I can think of for the last 18 months or so...and I'm not even going to feel bad about it.
Julian has been doing so so so so good on the potty (knock on everything wood and holy!) I have to let myself brag a TINY bit because come on.....we do not have the easiest child by a long shot. No normal age-appropriate transition ever went smoothly for us. It took us 10 months to move him out of our bed, another year to move him out of our room, he was over 2 before he slept through the night, he still refuses to eat anything aside from chicken nuggets, hot dogs, fruit and PB&J....and up until 2 weeks ago had zero desire to EVER learn to use the potty like a big boy. He literally said to me (crying), "I just want to poop in my diaper!"
So I think I deserve a moment to wallow in our victory (again, knock on wood. I feel like this could be taken from us at any moment!)
So, I thought I'd put our method out there into cyberspace for those parents like me who, when the going gets tough - turn to google. Our method was a mixture of several different methods with a dash of "we're making this up as we're going along." It went something like this.
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| taken during one of our MANY trips to the potty on the first day of training. |
I picked a week in our/my schedule where we didn't have to be anywhere or do anything. I wanted to make sure Julian was going to be home with me enough to get the hang of this. This part was kind of hard, and is the biggest reason why it was procrastinated as long as it was - rarely do we have a week where we don't have somewhere to be, and I didn't want to strip him of a week of summer fun either. Once we decided on a week, I started talking up our strategy a couple weeks before that date. I told Julian that one day very soon, the Diaper Fairy was going to come and take away all his diapers and leave him big boy underwear instead. I told him he would have to put all his pee pee and poo poo in the potty because it feels yucky when you pee/poo in your big boy underwear. He would nod...repeat the whole thing back to me any time I asked and generally be pretty 'whatever mom....now change my poopy diaper and let's get on with his" about the whole thing. Then came THE DAY. When he woke up, I changed him into big boy underwear and excitedly showed him his new sticker chart and treasure chest left for him by the Diaper Fairy (who now is responsible for a LOT of changes in our home, because it's just easier to blame things on the diaper fairy than explain that we just want him to do things!) To explain the treasure chest: The week prior, I had picked up a TON of small little toys/gadgets/fun things (plus some candy/fruit snacks/treats) and placed them all in a shoe box. The original idea was that Julian would earn so many stickers, then get to choose an item from the treasure chest. As I explain later, we ended up revising that a bit, but I digress.
So, the first day went awful. Then the second day went awful too. I was attempting the whole 'take him to the potty every 20 minutes all day" method and let me tell you - that was NOT working for anyone. It stressed us both out, living under the thumb of a timer...I got nothing done, Julian got annoyed, we annoyed each other and no pee OR poo went in the potty. It went on my floor...many times just seconds after I had him sitting on the potty. Plain and simple, it was not working, and I was strongly considering putting him in pullups and calling it done for a while. I figured this was a sign he was NOT ready. He would sit on the potty and get frustrated because he couldn't make it come out. Warm water, fruit loops, standing, sitting....nothing helped. We both just got more and more annoyed and angry and upset about the whole thing. Not one sticker on the chart. Not one treasure chest...not one successful pee or poo in the potty. That's when I changed gears.
Someone had recommended the 3 day potty training technique, which I kind of thought that's what i was doing, but when I finally did read through the e-book, I realized I was doing things all sorts of wrong. I was putting too much pressure on him and taking away too much control. So on day 3, we tried REALLY hard to only remind him to 'tell us when you need to go potty!" and let him decide when it was time. The method says to literally say right by their sides and when/if they start to have an accident, to rush them to the potty and let them finish there. Well, we sucked at that first accident of the day, then it just became a waiting game. We waited and waited and waited....my kid held his pee for 8 hours that day (through a nap and everything) before finally dribbling just the tiniest bit as Eddie stood perched over him, following him diligently around the house. Eddie was quick and got him to his little frog potty where Julian finally let the floodgates open and lo and behold - we had pee. In the potty. I was in town at the store, so they called me VERY excited and we all did a lot of celebrating! We decided at that point, screw it...he can have a treasure chest item for every successful potty. Whatever works. WE DON'T CARE. I would have given him a pony if it meant he stopped peeing on my rug. Seriously.
All it took was one big success and Julian turned things right around. he still struggled with control somewhat (going another 6-7 hours before his next pee, holding the poo for 2 days straight, etc.) but at least he was doing his business in the potty EVERY TIME. We took his little training/frog potty everywhere with us - outside when he played, to the park, to his friend's house, to the grocery store...and we let him tell US when he needed to go, only reminding him when we thought he might be holding it to 'tell us when you need to go potty!" He was even doing awesome overnight. We did have him in pullups (sorry people, I need some sleep), but told him they were just like his underwear and that the diaper fairy did NOT want him to pee or poop in them. Once we were past those first 2 horrible days, he was keeping them dry overnight and at naps (amazingly.) We had talks about how he needed to 'hold it' when he woke up until he could get to the potty and let the pee pee out. I have no idea why/how he did so good with the overnight stuff, we did not expect that, but within a week we stopped using pull ups at night and went to underwear all day/night and he did awesome. To date he has only had two accidents....one poopy that didn't quite make it in time, and one pee pee overnight when he was sick and running a fever, but otherwise he has fallen in love with the potty - going upwards of 20 times a day some days. Which brings me back to the treasure chest a bit.
In one of the articles I read, they said to 'find their currency'...whether that is candy, toys, a special movie, a special trip....whatever gets them excited and gets them motivated - speak in their currency. For Julian this was definitely candy and small, cheap toys. He loved getting to dig out and discover some new little something or another. We did run into the issue of him wanting to take things out even when he didn't go on the potty, but we remedied that by telling him that the treasure chest was MAGIC and would only open if he put pee and poop in the potty (yes, more lies, but hey...whatever works!) and he didn't even question it after that. The box was kept up high out of reach and he never tried to question our story (thankfully.) But he DID learn to squeeze out literally 4 drops of urine every 15 minutes to get a toy....oh yes he did....and you know what? I let him. I rewarded him EVERY TIME. Why? Because that was our rules and we were sticking to it. I knew that the toys would run out eventually, and I was ready for it. I had a plan. I told Julian (as he started to realize he had less and less to choose from) that when the toys were all gone that the Diaper Fairy (God bless her) was going to bring him one very special gift for doing such an amazing job on the potty. I knew what he wanted....we had looked on amazon together many times for new arrows for his bow and arrow (a birthday gift he LOVED, but broke all the arrows to) and a Robin Good hat and a bag for his arrows (yes, my boy is still obsessed with Veggie Tales, and this is the most recent Larry character he has fallen in love with.) And so the other night, when the treasure chest gifts were dangerously low, I set out his big surprise, made some alterations to his chart, and let him wake up to a few changes. He now has to get 5 stickers before picking from the treasure chest, and that treasure chest ONLY has treats/edible items in it (yes, candy is ok...having 45 random plastic toys floating around your house that you're supposed to keep track of individually - that's a pain in the ass.) Julian wasn't super thrilled with the change, and got upset a couple of times after realizing he wasn't going to get instant gratification after every successful potty use, but here we are on day two and he is pretty much over that that and very happy still to potty and put his sticker on the chart and work toward his goal that way. Eventually he won't need any of it, but I'm ok with continuing it however long we need to. He really had made huge strides and the kid deserves some accolades!
So there is our story. I guess if I were to pass on advice to anyone (and I probably wouldn't since every kid is different and will react totally differently to this process) it would be to reward reward reward. Shriek, feign shock, make a HUGE deal even out of the tiniest drop of pee in the potty. Tell them how proud you are of them, let them see your excitement, and don't sweat the candy/gifts/special treats...you aren't going to spoil them. They will eventually become less important and forget about them, but a good and thorough bribe goes a long way. Trust me, I know (did I ever tell you the story of how I finally got him to sleep through the night by bribing him with marshmallows for breakfast? Oh yes I did. And it worked.)
Good luck potty trainers! I'm pretty darn excited to be on this side of it all...and I continue to knock on wood and wait for the rebellion, because after all....this is MY kid we're talking about here. (please don't let there be a rebellion!!!)
C.
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