When Eddie's mom was visiting a month or so ago, she described Eddie as a 'difficult' baby...and based on her description, I could see how she came to that conclusion. Does that make Julian a 'difficult' baby as well? Am I ready to label him that already? Or is it me that makes things difficult for him? Am I doing something wrong that inhibits him from doing the things babies 'should' be doing at this stage? Does the fact that he doesn't sleep through the night, can't tolerate being anywhere but our bed while doing all that non-sleeping, won't nap for more than 30 minutes at a time, scratches me and fights breastfeeding (and then bottle feeding too some days), turns into the biggest drama queen over a fart or the need to poop...are these things that qualify him for the label of 'difficult'? I have a hard time not blaming myself for these things. Being a first time mom, I just assume guilt on all accounts...ie: surely it's something I'm doing...and it's taking it's toll, either way.
Sorry for the rambling...just something that's been on my mind lately. I worry every day that I'm somehow messing up Julian's chances of ever being that 'good' baby everyone imagines they'll have. I don't love him any less, no matter his disposition. I just wonder - is it me?
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