Random thoughts

I'm not sure which is stronger...Julian's need for me or mine for him. Some days I get wrapped up other people's stories and losses and it takes everything I have to not wake him up and squeeze him until his eyes pop out. He's such a physical part of me, I feel strange without him -like I left something important at home. I find myself racing home any time we are apart and anticipating our reunion every second I'm away. He has the ability to make me happy in an instant, and mad as a hatter the very next second, but he is mine...and God help the woman that some day deems herself worthy of marrying him and snatching him from me. I'm just not sure I can bear that thought right now. I'm not even sure I can bear the thought of preschool. I'd rather not think about it.

It's funny how you start speaking in cliches once you become a parent. No matter that you spent your whole life possibly rolling your eyes at such romanticized sentimentalism...you start to find it very hard to NOT describe your life without using at least a dozen. Hence why my blog is somewhat void of the emotional side of my journey into motherhood. I just can't find any way to say it all without sounding cheesy - but here it is. I love him more than life itself. He is perfect in every way and I can't imagine my life without him. He is like air to me, and no matter how much he can infuriate me at times, I wouldn't trade a second of it for a million dollars or even the ability to use the bathroom alone on occasion. Yep - cheesy as hell, and I mean every word of it.

Word update:
Cheese and peas have been added to the list of words. Did I mention Banana? He is obsessed with bananas. I spent half the day trying to explain to him that we were in fact out of "Da NA NAS" every 5 minutes as he'd point emphatically at the countertop where they usually reside and look at me with such sad puppy dog eyes. Good thing we went grocery shopping tonight. Not that he always wants to EAT the bananas. He'd kind of rather carry them around...but he does eat them too.

He's also big into "MAMA" right now, and boy does he know how to make good use of it. It melts me and he knows it. Sure, he used to babble mama, but this is different. This is a big loud "MAMA!!" when I walk in the door. Or a sad whimpering "muh muh" when he wakes in the middle of the night. Apparently on Mondays when I work, he walks around the house calling it out and looking for me. Breaks my heart and warms it all at the same time. Eddie has a name too - it's also Mama, which is strange considering that Julian said Dada long before he said mama. I think he's just forgotten how to say it or use it appropriately. He'll occasionally point to Eddie and say "Mama" so I think there's a little bit of role confusion there. Eddie has officially started the "Dada" compaign. We're working on it.

Pictures to come soon - as usual.