1.)That there is such a thing as too many spiders.
Ever since reading and falling in love with E.B. White's "Charlotte's Web" as a child, I've always been a little on the 'humanitarian' side when it comes to insects (can that term apply to insects? Oh who cares. We're going with it). Simply speaking - if it poses no immediate threat, I usually let it live. I even have a 'no smash' policy in my home - at least not in front of Julian as I really want to avoid him learning that the thing to do when he sees a bug is to smash it/step on it. Before you think I'm crazy...we do occasionally get scorpions in the house, and then there's the snakes to consider as well (we've been known to get a few copperheads on our property every year) which Julian mistakes for insects in his toddler mind. Squishing is NOT the best reaction when confronted with either of those two elements. So instead I now have a toddler that says (and very loudly I might add) "EWWWW a SPIDERRR! YUCK! EW!" every time he sees anything resembling...well...a spider. He then asks mommy to send it to it's 'spider family' (which is what mommy does when she releases/pretends to release the spiders/bugs/whatever back into the wild. Am I raising a future humanitarian? Possibly? But I digress. Humanitarianism aside....I hit my limit this week, and the spiders had to go. With the gorgeous weather we've been having, we've been spending a large amount of time outdoors, and so it finally hit me that we have hundreds...HUNDREDS (not exaggerating, my mom will back me up) of large spiders under the eaves of our house as well as throughout our property. You cannot walk out the front door after dusk without getting a face full of web or finding something crawling down your back. Yeah. Yuck. 3 bottles of insecticide later, I think I can safely say I have made a dent in the population. Sorry Charlotte. It was time.
Oh man...reliving some of that spider creepy nastiness and I totally forgot where I was going with this! OH...
2.) That deployment curse is alive and kicking
Ok, so forget for a moment that this isn't really a 'real' deployment (I refuse to call it one as my husband has been spending the last several week "fighting the war on tourism"... his words, not mine.) It still comes with a very real curse. Call it Murphy's Law, or bad luck but you can pretty much count on at least a few little annoyances happening while your husband is away for any length of time...mostly involving household appliances and cars....because we all know that women tend to know absolutely squat about either of these things (there are exceptions I'm certain, but I am not one of them.) And so it's no surprise that my car, the golf cart, the ceiling fan, Eddie's laptop and even my trusty spray mop would all suffer the consequences. Not to mention the oven mitt that burst into flames, but that might have been a little bit of my fault....
2 weeks left. Should I start taking bets on what's next?
3.) My belly button actually COULD get uglier
Julian ruined my belly button...it has never looked the same since he stretched it to oblivion, and while I don't exactly stare mournfully at it and cry about what it used to be, having surgical instruments stuck through it really hasn't helped the situation any. It's officially hideous. I have pictures, but they're so hideous I'm afraid to share. I think my bikini days are officially over.
4.) Fruit snacks are the nectar of the gods
I have stumbled upon this ingenious and often overlooked method of parenting - it's called bribery. Lest you judge, keep in mind I have one extremely opinionated, extremely active, extremely TALKATIVE little boy who is my sole responsibility 24/7....and bribes work better than threats, folks. At least around here they do. So...Kroger (God bless them) makes a wonderful product called Veggie Tales fruit snacks...and they are so wonderful that my child will pretty much do my bidding for just one of these treasured treats. And when he doesn't, then I bribe him with vitamins (shameful, I know). Pretty much everything my son refused to do (let us brush his teeth, let us change his diaper, go home from the park, eat more dinner, pick up his toys) can be quickly and easily bargained with just one sugary little snack. Amen and Hallelujah. My life just got 1509384 times easier.
5.) Turn the hose off BEFORE disconnecting insecticide from the nozzle. Sorry, I know this should be more like #2, but I'm still seeing double from the shot of insecticide to my right cornea this morning, so it just came to mind....trust me, if you think you would never be stupid enough to actually forget, then you probably did.
6.) I still enjoy gardening
Even if my new definition of gardening is watching my son dig up the yard with a shovel then yank out the plants we just planted together. It's still nice. Quite a bit less 'zen' than I remember, but nice.
7.) Having surgery comes about as close to a 'vacation' as anything I've had in months. Years?
I got to sleep like....10 hours or something that day? Are you freaking kidding me? SCORE. I also got to watch someone else fight with my child as I snoozed on the couch in and out of a doped-up drugged out blissful sleep. I mean yeah, it hurt....but I didn't have to get up, take care of my son, go out on a photoshoot, clean the house, grocery shop or go to work while it hurt - that right there is a vast improvement from the last 6 months of my life. Before when it hurt...life didn't stop. This time, for two blissful days...it kind of did. Still not too happy about the belly button though.
8.) That just when you think you've got a handle on everything - something will prove to you that you don't.
Just about the time I think "Damn, I rock!...the house is clean, the laundry done...my kid is being an angel today, I managed to get some work done....I am so on top of things!" it all goes to hell in a hand basket. Like. Immediately. Just trust me on this. You should see my house right now, and I can't honestly even tell you how it happened, but it did.
9.) That just when you feel like no one gives a crap....something will prove that you're wrong.
Today I received exactly the type of phone call I needed at exactly the time I needed it, and it wasn't even from my husband. Just a friend. It wasn't some earth-shattering conversion either. It was just normal, and comfortable and sincere.
10.) If you go to the bathroom without your phone, your husband who is in another country WILL call during that time and you will not get to talk to him again for at least another 24 hours. And yet, if you do take your phone in the bathroom waiting for a call, no one will call and your chances of dropping the phone in the toilet have just been increased tenfold. Of course if you do actually drop your phone in the toilet you've just guaranteed the fact that you definitely won't be talking to your husband and you'll probably be purchasing a new phone.
Just a little something two deployments have taught me. Felt like sharing. It's called irony, and it's a bitch. (I've already dropped mine in the sink twice in the last 2 weeks.)
11.) What Not To Wear has got it all wrong....
Let me preface this by saying that I obviously watch and love the show, but as I was enjoying a few episodes this week, it occurred to me that I've suddenly begun to root for the other team. There is something incredibly freeing about yoga pants, loungewear, flip flops, no makeup and an 'I give up' headband. It's not 'letting yourself go'...it's called being comfortable in your own skin! Bonus if you have people in your life that don't bat an eyelash when you show up to hang out and you still have bedhead, smeared mascara and an outfit that looks suspiciously like pajamas. There's more to life than appearances, and while I love getting dressed up when there's an occasion, I also realize that I'm probably going to spend my day playing in the dirt, carrying my son's 'treasures' (ie: bugs), riding on dirt roads in a golf cart, battling spiders and chasing my son through the grass, mud and muck. Forgive me if I forget to 'accessorize.'
(I will not, however, go so far as to say I approve of "mom jeans." Stacy and Clinton - I've got your back right there!)
12.) Life goes on
Ob-la-di, Ob-la-da. Today might have sucked but you get another chance tomorrow, and you WILL do it better, and you will be stronger for it.
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