Random thoughts at 1am

Maybe I'm the only one, but when I was pregnant with Julian, it was a daily occurance to envision who he would be once he was out of my belly and growing and becoming his own person. I remember having a very clear image of a blonde haired, blue-eyed little boy who was shy, kind, sweet...and a little reserved. Perhaps a book lover even. I had such a clear image in my head that I totally scratched the boy name Eddie and I had decided on years before. It just didn't suit the vision I had of this little boy, and so I set out to find something that did, and eventually settled on Julian Joseph...a name I knew he could grow into, yet was youthful enough for this little boy I saw so clearly in my head.

I also remember a moment I'm maybe not as happy to think about...when Julian was just a few weeks old, and being in the throes of ever-changing hormones, breastfeeding difficulties and most likely a case of post-partum depression...I remembered that vision of a sweet little fair-haired boy and mentally chided myself for being so naive and silly. This screaming bundle of baby poo and no sleep was NOTHING like the perfect little boy I had concocted (see? I said I wasn't so proud of that moment) and so I scratched that image out of my mind and just forgot about it.

Until recently...when I was looking through the hundreds of recent pictures I've taken of my little boy. You can't deny the mop of golden hair (albeit - a little darker than maybe I had imagined) nor the bright blue eyes...and while I wouldn't necessarily call the boy 'reserved',  he does have such a sweet innocence to him, and such a kind heart (when he's not in full-on toddler anger mode anyhow), even a quiet sort of strength. I can see him being a scholar AND an athlete one day. His intelligence and coordination astound me on a daily basis. I can also see him being a gentle type...perhaps someone who would save a turtle (or ten) off the highway...a little bit of his Mama thrown in there ;)  only time will tell I suppose, but I think it's safe to say that I wasn't so wrong afterall. And even if I was - he would still be perfect.



(I am full of random posts this week, aren't I?)